Last Thanksgiving my sister and I went to St. Lois to meet our half sister Kelli for the first time. I was terribly nervous and a little sick to my stomach over the thought it. Although when we arrived I was shocked at how alike Kelli and I were. Our sense of humor is almost exactly the same and become a bond we shared. It was so wonderful to be there with her and her family and not feel out of place.

Since then we have kept in touch and really bonded more through out these last months. When she got engaged I was one of the first people she called and that made me so happy. Her wedding is in October and my other sister and I are going up there. Although night before last she called and asked me to be a bridesmaid. I was honored and quickly told her I would love to.

Although here is my problem my sister will not be a bridesmaid and even though she says it is fine I feel horrible. When we went to see Kelli my sister A.K.A Pookie was even more worried then I was and ended up sort of shutting down and being distant. I feel bad that Kelli and I bonded so much when Pookie felt a little left out. I am going to be a bridesmaid for Kelli's wedding because I want to and am so amazed that she would even think of me. Although I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Certainly not Pookie and I am terrified that this will cause some anomosity between us.

I am bringing this one back from 4/15/2008. I thought it would suit today...here ya go.



When, why, where and how are all questions that I longed to ask, although I knew it would not have done any good to have gone digging into the past.

Even if I got all the answers you would not have changed and all of my pain would of remained the same.

Back then I was so confused about how you could of just walked away as though we never meant anything.

I felt the absence of an entire part of me, the loss of the father that every little girl so blatantly needs.

I just wanted you to know how it truly was for me. What it was like to realize that you never wanted me.

But time has brought me to a new place, because of that I finally have the strength to say that I love you anyway.

Even though I know you won't be reading this I still wanted to convey that all is forgiven today.

I no longer hate you and have found a resolution in these bits and pieces that you left behind.

I cannot forget but I choose not to let your indifference make me regret who I am or even who I have been.

Written by: Sami Heart-Speaker

Copyrighted@2008

Tell me that you never loved anything about me. Get angry, start throwing things and say exactly what you don't mean. Come on baby please make this easy.

But you are not allowed to whisper in my ear...I cannot hear that you need me near. The sound of those words I fear would make all the courage I've mustard disappear.

So use your most unsettling tone when you say that I will always be alone. Cuss and scream make me believe that you hate me...come on baby make this easy.

You cannot be understanding or sweet because it might knock me off my feet and I will be needing all of my strength in order to go through with leaveing.

Don't smile or take my hand because I think that might make my heart start talking and this time I have got to listen to my mind. So get mad at me...please baby make this easy.

Written By Sami Heart-Speaker
Copyrighted@2008

I missed saturday night music so I thought I would add mine today. It is Journey-who's crying now. I love this song!!!!

Today that little light of my life has turned five. With a smile he says sami...you are invited to my birthday!

Everything is new and beautiful to him I strive to be a lot more like this five year old baby.

His eyes are big with wonder as he ask why we have shadows and he looks outside the window to see the butterflies.

I once thought he would be a shameful thing not my everything but I do love how beautiful this surprise ending!