I was drawn in like a moth to the flame every time she said my name. I could not resist it all seemed so perfect.

Yet now I wonder if I should be regretting rushing in to something without truly thing about the consequences that would follow the action I was taking.

I cannot forget how she looks in the night and how it feels to have her eyes watching me yet I don't wanna fight.

Every time I answer the phone it seems like she is angry and before I can even say hello the girl is screaming.

Her fears are not unjustified because I must admit that there is another girl that has been catching my eye and stealing some of my time.

But I am not the kind to break her heart just for a moment of pleasure but at this point it almost seems like she doesn't care.

I see now that the timing was all wrong and we rushed into something on a whim...I blame that stupid love song.

She is not ready to be out and open with me and I'm still questioning if a commitment is really what I need.

We said goodbye today and I know it is for the better but it just sucks right not to know that I have hurt her.

Our friendship remains or at least that is what we are both saying but there is a part of me that thinks nothing will ever be the same.

Written By: Sami Heart-Speaker
Copyrighted@2008

I have come to realize that for awhile I have been living solely out of obligation. Only doing what had to be done and not really doing much of what I want to do. So lately I have been trying to remedy the situation by finding a balance in my work and play. I started my solution by going tto Oaklahoma City for ICYPAA which is the international congerence of young peopl in A.A. I had an amazing time there it was really eye opening to not be the youngest person in the room recovering. On my trip I got close to alot of people that I had already met but never taken the time to get to know as a result I have made several friends for life!

After ICYPAA I decided to start spreading my wings and do more things that weren't necessarily comfortable. So I hae started spending more time with one of my friends from ICYPAA that lives about half an hour away from. When I am there we normally just hop ion the truck and find some trouble to get into. Which for me is way new...I like to have a detailed plan and follow it but it has been great to live on a whim. Last weekend that consisted of heading down to a friend of hers farm and helping out. I loved it down there...they had goats, cows, chickens, dogs and cats. It was so wonderful to just be for awhile and it didn't hurt that all the animals were so very lovable. I actually had a billy goat try to get in my lap with me...hehe fond memories.

I even got a job offer from a doggy grooming place...we went in to bath her dog and as a thank you I decided to help out with the a few of the pups. I talked to the owner and told her that my dream was to open a chain of doggy stores that would be a grooming, sitting and merchandise venture. After that she offered me a possition at her stor. Although that is pretty much an impossibility at this point due to transportation still it was very touching and a little reaffirming that maybe I'm worthy I guess.

So I'm getting ready to head up to Missouri possibly and just wanted to touch base and tell you all that I am doing well and love all of you!!!

You always thought you knew exactly what to do and now that I'm with you I know that you have been left so confused.

Your life has began to fill with uncertainty nothing is as black and white as it used to be.

Yet even in your times of fear I will remain here saying "baby it will all be okay...trust me."

The pressure builds from your parents and school...I know that it feels like you have been thrown into the deep end of the pool.

Believe when I say that you can do anything because I have seen you overcome so many tragedies.

Yes my baby you are the truest essence of beauty and grace I can see all of your strength even when you can't find it any place.


Written By: Sami Heart-Speaker

Copyrighted@2008

I will not be here for the Saturday night music thing so here is my pick for that just a couple days early!

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She looks so good in the moonlight that she brings all the fighting that ignites within me to cease.

She was once the only cure I could see and yet so subtly she has become the disease.

She is the drug and I'm the addict ever knowing that she will wreak havoc but still I have to have it.

She speaks all the lies that I believe it seems like second nature almost for her to decieve.

She hears my painful cries for peace and yet the girl refuses to allow me any relief.

She loves me in her own way and that is exactly why I stay...it just hurts so good and I can't get away.

Written By: Sami Heart-Speaker
Copyrighted@2008