Searching through all of these impulsive interactions trying to find what I'm really wanting from this somewhat unfaithful situation.
Temptaion is building as we take quite walks alone and all these midnight talks on the telephone are not helping to reinforce my convictions.
She has somebody waiting for her at home and I am not interested in this other woman position. Plus I have someone that would not understand me doing this.
So I am steady trying to continue on down that road that leads me straight to a drama free zone but it so hard with this girl around.
Her eyes pierce right through all the walls that I have built and that wanting that she projects I must admit I have felt.
Logically I know that I'm just another victim of the forbidden fruit syndrome but she makes me feel like the only one.
All my friends keep warning me about this little thing that I am "not" doing and I really do try that listening thing right up until she walks in the room.
I have been doing a bit of soul searching lately...trying to find those things about myself that I enjoy the most. Through this experience I found out so much about myself. For one I love nature...I mean middle of nowhere not a phone to be found for miles type of nature. Also I seem to have stumbled upon that adventurous side of myself again...I had no idea how much I missed that curiousity.
It has not all been good however...my girlfriend and I broke up a few days ago. I mean we were only official for about three weeks I believe but we have been friends so long and I was so afraid of loosing her completely. Although all we ever did was fight...she thought that I was going to cheat and I realized that in terms of being out we were nowhere near the same place. Although we have come to a place I think that we can go on being best friends and if grows later then that all good.
Through my travels in the past year or so I have sort reawakened the gypsy in me. It still amazes me how good it feel to be driving without a set destination in mind. When you just go to have that freedom and when you find yourself in some small town between Texas and Missouri and it is exactly where you need to be. I don't know maybe that does not make sense but that is how it felt.
I have found more I guess meaning in my Native American spirituality aswell. I always thought is was interesting and I felt safe and comforted there but lately it has taken on a whole new meaning. I have allowed myself to literally get lost in the sound of the songs and swept up in the pulse of the drum.
Well there is the update on my life at least for the moment. When I have another life changing realization or experience I will be sure to share more!
A friend of mine has a buissness called Parachute Promises they sale necklaces and a lot of other things. S.O.F.T landings is their partially non-profit part of the buissness that helps out the comunity. Although I know very little about the buissness myself I believe that it will do loads of good and wanted to share it so here is a link to their website check it out. There will be much more information on their page!
Many Blogstream members are there
already! Quotes from members: "It's like blog lite!" -- "I like the instant
gratification!" -- "Stop spectating, get in the game!"
If you have not joined in, you are really missing out!
