It's hard for me to breathe my lungs are weak from all the screaming that I have now done.

I am fighting for us to reclaim our love but your blatent dishonesty has left me utterly stunned.

Oh yes, time has been cruel and revealed me a fool. So to my desires of distance I must succomb.

My heart is breaking with every step that I am taking because deep down I know you are the only one.

Yet still I am done watching and waiting until the coast is clear. I swear the responsibility of maintaining us weighs a ton.

And I cannot overcome so with my shoulders broken I fall in defeat. Quietly exclaiming that I have been beat.

Even though I fought and screamed for us all the while there was just no way to maintain a love with some one who is in denial.

Written By: Sami Heart-Speaker
Copyrighted@2008

The gypsy in me longs to travel far beyond the solid ground that these feet of mine have found.

The flower power child in me dances and sings about love and peace as the wind goes blowing through the trees.

The writer in me wants to get the full experience out of everything, so that she can put it into words more easily.

The adventurer in me knows that she can face anything and refuses to ever go running away from the unknown.

There are so many things that help to define me. I am a many splendid combination of my past lives and the one that I am still living.

Written By: Sami Heart-Speaker
Copyrighted@2008

Today has been the hardest day for me so far without cigarettes. I am having really bad cravings and am totally wiped out. The air conditioning is broken over here aswell. Which damn near makes it unbareble...at least it I had a cigarette it would not be so hard to think around here. My friend came by today to show me some moral support...it was nice to see her but I really wasn't in the mood for company. I know it must sound rude but some times you just want people to leave you alone. After she arrived I started craving really bad again and ended up asking her to leave which made her mad but at the moment I don't care. All I want to do is to get a pack of Marlboro reds and smoke all twenty in one puff. Mmmm that sounds really tempting actually...the truth is I don't know how much longer I am going to last. I don't even know if I ever really wanted to do thins in the first place. I guess it doesn't matter but damn this is like crazy hard.

I am tripping off all the things that she said, I just can't help it her tearful pleas went straight to my head.

Sitting here looking at her photographs in their frames and every single one seems to be calling my name.

I am trying to remind myself that it is better off this way. Yet I can't stop hearing her shaky voice begging me to stay.

She wants what she thinks she need and I guess that would be me. Although I know I just can't go back to that state of being.

So I have got to keep a blank expression on my face and pretend it don't mean a thing to me to see her stuck in that place.

Although deep down inside I feel all of her pain. I now what it is like to miss the past and be praying for it to come back.

I am leaving her exactly like I did back then. Once again she is sitting on the stairs crying.

Seeing this happening all over again feels a little to crazy to be true. Although that is the power of deja-vu.

Written By: Sami Heart-Speaker
Copyrighted@2008